“They are scared of women like you. Women with hearts big enough to house suitcases full of pain. Women with laughs so therapeutic they can heal wounds. Women with passion fierce enough to start wildfires. They are scared of what they can’t tame or understand.” -Unknown
I have plenty of ups and downs this week – sometimes it feels like I take three steps forward and then five steps back.
Work has been less stressful. My department has hired a couple new per diem employees so they are picking up the extra shifts and I’m not having to work overtime. Going from 55-60 hours a week to 40 is nice. Although I will miss the extra money in my check! I am thankful for the timing though as my classes start next week.
I was able to get my financial aid approved for school and registered for classes. I’m taking statistics and psych research methods, I’m excited to get started!
I have been feeling significantly lonely the last week. Ever since I stopped using and hanging out with the people I used with I have really isolated myself. I only spend time with my boyfriend and dog and immediately family. The longer I go like this the worse it gets and eventually the thought of people around people causes so much anxiety I can’t get myself to reach out and make connections.
This week, my boyfriend went to see one of his friends and I stayed home. This should not be an issue. I know it is VERY codependent and unhealthy for my to expect him to only spend time with me but I still freak out and get so anxious. I’m jealous that he has friends that he hangs out with and it’s so easy for him. I miss my old friends that I pushed away when I used. I hate feeling abandoned. I know it’s an irrational fear and that my boyfriend can hangout with his friends and is still going to come home at night. But I work myself up so. Much.
More on that later. Off to snuggle the pup and enjoy my night off. Have a great week!